I Refuse to Sacrifice My Retirement Dream for My Unemployed Son
Retirement should feel like freedom, not guilt. After decades of working hard and planning carefully, you deserve to enjoy what you’ve earned. But what happens when family expects you to give it all up for them, even after years of support? Sometimes the people closest to us don’t see our sacrifices until we finally say no.
I’m 68. After years of saving every penny, I’d finally put together enough money for my retirement cruise. This wasn’t some luxury splurge — it was the one dream I’d held onto through decades of hard work.
My unemployed 32-year-old son found out and demanded I give him the money instead. “Mom, I’m all you have!” he said, like that justified taking away something I’d worked so hard for.
I refused. I’ve been supporting him with monthly checks and covering his expenses for years. He’s never really tried to stand on his own because he’s always known I’d catch him. But this cruise meant everything to me.
“You’ll regret this!” he yelled before storming out. His words stung, but I held firm. I knew if I gave in this time, there would always be another crisis, another reason I couldn’t have anything for myself.
Two weeks later, he appeared at my door, looking defeated. “If only you’d given me a chance to explain,” he started. “I wasn’t asking for all of it. I got a real job offer, but I need professional clothes and money to cover expenses until my first paycheck. I thought you’d rather help me get on my feet than take a trip.”
He handed me a printed job offer letter with a start date three weeks away.
I felt terrible. I’d been so focused on protecting my dream that I hadn’t let him finish explaining. But I was also angry he’d demanded the money so aggressively instead of talking to me like an adult. Now he says he’ll figure it out on his own, but I can see he’s hurt.
Part of me wants to help with the clothes and initial expenses — that’s reasonable and temporary. But another part feels manipulated.
The cruise is paid for and non-refundable, so I can’t redirect that money anyway. But I do have emergency savings I could use. I’m exhausted from being caught between wanting to support my child and wanting to finally live for myself.
Do I help him with job expenses and risk being taken advantage of again? Or do I stick to my boundaries and potentially sabotage his one real chance at independence? I need advice.
Linda
Thank you, Linda, for trusting us with such a difficult situation. We can see how torn you must feel between wanting to support your son’s independence and protecting the boundaries you’ve worked so hard to set. Here is our advice to help you navigate this challenging moment and make a decision that honors both your needs and his potential for growth.
