I Refused to Lend My Brother More Money, and Now I Regret It
Family boundaries are difficult to maintain, especially when money is involved. What starts as a simple refusal can uncover secrets no one expected.
Here’s his letter:
My brother and I were close growing up. He made me laugh. He protected me and I trusted him. But somewhere along the way things changed. Bad decisions turned into patterns, and those patterns turned into habits.
The start of a pattern.
The first time he asked for money, I did not think much of it. Everyone needs help sometimes. The second time felt different. The third time became routine.
Eventually, helping him stopped feeling like support and started feeling like I was enabling a version of him I did not recognize. Every time I loaned him money, he promised to pay it back. He never did.
I learnt to say ’no’.
One evening, he called and asked for money again. The request was familiar. But something in me was tired. I told him no. I expected disappointment. Instead, I got anger.
He called me selfish. He said I turned my back on family. Then he hung up and blocked me. Part of me felt guilty. Part of me felt relief. Mostly, I felt done.
