I Refuse to Help My Coworker Who Treats My Kindness Like an Obligation
Our reader thought she was just being kind to her coworker: a small loan here, a last-minute shift there. But when she finally says “no,” the office chat turns into a public trial. You’ll see how favors can quietly become expectations, and how quickly “helpful” can turn into “used.”My coworker is a single mom. Last year, I lent her some money because her baby needed a few things. She still hasn’t paid me back. However, she keeps buying stuff for herself (like Uggs last month and concert tickets).
I’ve also covered a lot of her shifts whenever she asked. The reasons were always something like “I’m exhausted,” “babysitter issues,” or “I have to take the baby to the doctor.” Even when it felt unjustified, I did it because I felt bad for her situation.
A couple of weeks ago, I asked her to cover for me one time. She said she couldn’t. Then last night, she begged me to cover for her again. This time I said no.
The next morning, I opened the work chat, and my stomach dropped. She’d posted:
“I guess some people here don’t understand what it’s like being a single mom.” Then she listed a bunch of dates I’d supposedly “refused” to help her, including some that weren’t even true. People started replying with sad emojis and sympathy. I felt my face go hot.
I typed a long reply explaining: how much money I’d lent her, attached our repayment agreement, and pointed out she’d only paid back $100 total since then; how many shifts I’d covered for her, and that she wouldn’t cover for me the one time I asked.
Before it got worse, our supervisor jumped in and said something like: “Schedule coverage isn’t to be handled in group chat. If someone needs help, they should message me directly.” The chat story was cleared, and we haven’t talked since then.
Now she keeps telling people I’m cruel and that I’m basically “taking money from an innocent baby” by asking for repayment. The whole thing has gotten so uncomfortable that I’m genuinely thinking about changing jobs just to escape the drama.
Would I be wrong to leave over this, or am I overreacting?
